My Final Blog.....

   All right, so this is going to be my last blog for Mr. Mullins AP SR English class, but maybe I’ll continue to work on this blog every now and then, maybe. Although I think maybe instead of continuing this blog I’ll just start a new blog and make it one where I can write about whatever I want. No, I think I’ll continue this blog. Instead of creating a new blog I’ll just keep this one but I’ll make new posts about whatever it is I want. This way others can still see all the posts I’ve done for Mr. Mullins if they want, because they’re still a part of me even if they are just assignments I did for a grade.

 

   Anyways, I still don’t know how I feel about this year, even if the end is just a couple of weeks away. It’s crazy really. How can the end really be this close? It just leaves me feeling weird. The end of my life basically because this is what my life has been up this point; me getting up, riding the bus, going to class, eating lunch, going to more classes and then riding the bus back home and doing homework. That’s all going to be over now. It’s pretty much over all ready. I just don’t know what’s going to happen and it’s really kind of scary. It’s exciting because I’m finally, finally, going to actually become my own person and take control of my own life. But where does my life go from here? I have no idea. Maybe good things will happen and maybe things will be bad, but I’ll be in charge. I’ll be the one calling the shots, telling myself what to do, not having to listen to anybody else, nobody.  It’ll be great and whatever happens, I’ll be the one who ordains what happens to me. I’m looking forward to it and I hope everyone else is too. Ugh, I just feel like this is madness…..
 

These books be getting very deep O_o (My very academically worded title)

   So lets say you're this weird kid. You're a weirdo and not just any weirdo. You're one of those really nerdish weirdos, the one who spends all day reading comic books, playing videogames and basically having no social life whatsoever because you're so weird and you have no friends. Except for one. You're best friend. Your one and only friend who's an outcast like you and she's a weirdo like you who likes to read comics and play videogames and you two couldn't be closer. But then one day you notice something different about her. All the guys notice something different about her. She's different. Suddenly she's not that homely quiet girl that nobody pays attention to. She's suddenly gorgeous and everybody notices. Everybody.

   You two would always sit on the bus together. Always. But today your older brother takes your best friend by the hand and says 'Hey, why don't you come and sit with me? I've got something I want to tell you.' She reluctanoutly agrees and tells you to save her seat and you say 'Of course.' So she goes to sit with him and you wait for her to come back. But about five minutes later you turn around and your heart drops and shatters into a million pieces. Because your best friend is sitting in your older brothers lap. They're making out and he's got his hand up her shirt and you just can't believe at all what is happening. You don't want to believe. When you all get off the bus she doesn't even bother to look at you. She goes off with your brother and you want to follow but you're afraid of what might happen. You're suddenly lost and confused. You just don't know at all what to feel.

   You're all alone again. You're 'best friend' never ever seems to want to hang out with you anymore. She's always with you're brother. They're always making out and they always act like you're not even there. The only time she ever even talks to you is when your brother is at work. She waits at your house for him to get back and while she waits she talks to you as if nothing at all has changed. It's like old times again. But only for a while. As soon as your brother gets back she completely forgets about you. Whether you guys are reading a comic or playing a videogame it doesn't matter. She drops everything and runs into his arms saying 'I missed you!' and your brother simply shrugs and says 'whatever' before pressing his face to her face and leading her to the bedroom that you and him share. And then again you're all alone. With nothing at all to do but read comic books, smoke weed and let your bathroom sink fill with more and more blood.

   Is this a life? Why is it that you continue? Maybe there's a reason and maybe there's not. Maybe things will get better and maybe they won't. Maybe your mother will finally love you and maybe your father will finally come back and maybe this time he'll love you too. Maybe you'll finally have a sense of purpose, of happiness, a sense of having a life worth living. And maybe you won't. But you won't give up hope. You won't give into the darkness. You won't give into despair or into your never ending pain. You won't. You won't. You won't.

   You won't.

                                                                                  .....

   This is what I would call, I guess, my interpretation of what happens in the book This Is How You Lose Her by Junot Diaz, who is a fantastic author! It's actually kind of hard to explain exactly what the book is because it is a collection of multiple stories, what I wrote above is only one of these stories, but they all in some way interconnect as if it were one larger story with multiple sub-stories. It's really cool and amazingly written and you really get into all of the stories and you truly feel empathy and sympathy for all of the character. I really wanted to just dive into the book and give the characters a hug and be like 'It's all going to be okay. I'm here for you.' That's an amazing quality for a book to be able to do that so I recommend that everyone in the world read this book because it's just so great!

My Poetry Research

   So I wasn't really looking forward to this group project, because it's a project and those tend to not be fun, but I've actually enjoyed being semi-forced to research all of these modern British poets that I had never really read before.  I've always tended to stay away from poetry that was about things like war and politics, but I've found that lots of these war poems are actually pretty good and that I really get into their all them.
   I really like the poets that I've found, especially the poets Siegfried Sassoon, Aleister Crowley, and William Noel Hodgson. Their poems are all really-really good! Their poems are deep and emotional and they speak the truth that comes straight from the heart. Their poetry is powerful because it comes from their personal experiences. Their poetry comes from what they've seen and what they've learned and what they feel. Some of their poem are worded simply, while other use really fancy words and phrases, but they're all written really skillfully and they all have a really good rhythm and beat that pull you along as you get deeper and deeper.
   I think the poem that I've found that I like the most is this one right here by Siegfried Sassoon. Every time I read it I go '...man that's deep........'

Before Action

By all the glories of the day
And the cool evening's benison
By that last sunset touch that lay
Upon the hills when day was done,
By beauty lavishly outpoured
And blessings carelessly received,
By all the days that I have lived
Make me a soldier, Lord.

By all of all man's hopes and fears
And all the wonders poets sing,
The laughter of unclouded years,
And every sad and lovely thing;
By the romantic ages stored
With high endeavour that was his,
By all his mad catastrophes
Make me a man, O Lord.

I, that on my familiar hill
Saw with uncomprehending eyes
A hundred of thy sunsets spill
Their fresh and sanguine sacrifice,
Ere the sun swings his noonday sword
Must say good-bye to all of this; -
By all delights that I shall miss,
Help me to die, O Lord.

Senior Year

   Senior year has been by far the strangest year of school I've ever had. I feel so many conflicting emotions over it, I don't know at all how to describe it.
   In one sense, Senior year has been a really really boring year. I've really hated all of my classes. I'm just so fed up with school. I'm tired of the work which seems really pointless and repetitive at this point and which I have no desire or motivation to do at all. Really I have no idea how I'm passing any of my classes. AP English is literally, and I mean literally in the actual meaning of the word, class that I don't sleep in. I'm really barely trying anymore. I've held up to this point so I think that's somewhat of an achievement seeing as though so many other people seemed to stop caring and trying months ago but now I'm just like "Ugh...Be over all ready!!!"
   On the other hand, Senior year has been really fun. I've gotten to hang out with all of my friends and have a really great time doing whatever. I've gotten to have lots of great experiences like having a booth at the Downtown Latino Festival, win at the STLP Regional Competition and compete at the State level, go to 2 fancy dinners at fancy restaurants for free with my friends because we were invited by some important community leaders who were impressed with the work we had been doing in our LOL club, and lots of other awesome things. I've had a great time this year despite the boredom of classes.
   Senior year also seems to have been one of my easiest years. Except for AP English, all of my classes have been impossibly easy and I haven't had any homework in any of them all year, except for AP English which has a lot of homework (thank you Mr. Mullins), but still overall it's been pretty easy.
   But despite the easiness it's been very stressful. I haven't ever experienced as much stress as I have this year, researching colleges, deciding which ones I wanted to go to, applying, waiting to see if I got accepted, applying for stack upon stack of scholarships, writing essay after essay after essay. It's all been very stressful and I'll be glad when this year is finally over.
   At the same time, I think the end of Senior year will also be a little sad. The people I've spent the past 18 years of my life with will all finally be going their separate ways. Some will go to other states and even other countries, while others will stay here in Kentucky but be going to different colleges miles and miles apart. It's all very sad and I'll be sorry when I won't be able to see so many of my friends again for probably a very long time, if I ever even get to see them again at all, but in the end it won't be to very sad. I'll still be able to see lots of my friends and the ones who I won't be able to see I can at least still talk to on the phone and on Facebook.
   Finally finishing the public education system will be a great achievement and it'll be a fantastic experience. I'm finally going to be able to take control of my own life, to a higher degree then now at least, and I'll be able to start actually making something of myself and figure out where my life is going to take me. I really can't wait!

I Say a Little More About Poetry

   So far I've been enjoying the poetry unit, because I love poetry. I've read a lot of nice poems like 'A Dream Within a Dream,' 'Still I Rise,' and 'As Soon as Fred Gets Out of Bed.' I've read a lot more poems since this unit began but those are the ones I chose to do my poetry analysis' over. The poems I tend to like the most are those dealing with subjects like the different meanings of love, enjoying life and all it has to offer, and questioning who you are and what is your purpose. I also like silly poems that are both simple and witty and make you smile and make you laugh. I just overall really like poetry. Even when I find that I don't really love or even like a poem, I still appreciate what it's saying and the insight it has to offer, because even though it doesn't really make me feel anything special, I know that it does to others because the quality of a good poem is in the eye of the beholder.
   On another note, I'm getting annoyed at having to write a poetry analysis pretty much every single day. I'm finding it hard to keep up with all of them. I love poetry but I can't come up with an entire page of analysis for every single poem that I read. Poetry has to speak to me and inspire me. I don't want to just make up some crazy nonsense in order to satisfy a teachers requirements, sorry Mr. Mullins, because it lessens the value of the authors hard work and the value of what I personally feel towards the poem. I only want to write what the poem means to me and I can't force myself to get anymore out of it then what it gives me. Again, I blame a flawed educational system for trying to shape everyone into fitting there sad generic mold.

Poetry and Music

   Since we're on the subject of poetry in this class, I'd like to talk about the similarities between a good poem and a good song.
   I've always found music in poetry and poetry in music, because they share many of the same great qualities; A rhythm, a beat, emotion and creativity. I love both of them because of the way they make me feel. Every song on my iPod gives me some kind of emotional feeling and I usually get overpowered by the music and I start singing and tapping along, even in public, so don't think I've gone insane if you see me walking down the halls swinging my hands, bobbing my head and moving my lips in silence. Anyways, within all of my music I tend to notice that at least one, or all, of the lyrics sound to me to be poetry.Take these lines from one of my favorite songs-

   Time is a valuable thing

   Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
   Watch it count down to the end of the day
   The clock ticks life away
         -In the End, Linkin Park

   Do these lines not evoke a sense of poetry? I don't know about you, but I certainly think so. The rhythm, the rhyme, the metaphor of time, it's all poetry, just placed side by time with the singing of instruments. And I feel that poetry works in just the same way. When I read a poem that I really like, it's because it speaks to me with emotion and passion and music playing in my mind. I feel its rhythm, its beat and the truth lying on the surface and buried deep within.
   My belief is that poetry and music make us Feel and that's what makes them so wonderful.

And So Begins My Rant...

   I really love poetry, so I was looking forward to this unit, but now I'm not so sure that I'll like it. We're going to be learning how to study and analyze poems, and honestly I've always believed this to be a terrible idea. Poetry is not something that you sit together in class and learn about with a teacher. Poetry is something that you feel when you read it and when you write it. I don't like the idea of sitting there, being given a poem to read, and told to analyze it, to look for literary devices and purpose and audience, etc. You can't do this with poetry. If someone is to learn about and appreciate poetry, then they need to come to it on their own. People need to experience the desire to read poetry, they need to be in the right mood and feel the right emotions. They need to love it, not read it because the teacher forces them too.

   I also find this to be true about being assigned books to read in class. I love to read, but I hate when we are given a really good book to read in class and forced to do worksheets and essays and analyze it according to the educational systems standards. It honestly ruins the book for me and I think a lot of people feel this way. When I read a book on my own, I don't stop every five minutes to answer questions on a worksheet or write down important quotes that I may need to use later when I'm writing an essay, but I do analyze it in my mind. I study the author's technique, interpret their meaning, appreciate the way they worded something or how they used a symbol in such a great way, but I don't write it down in a 3-page-five-paragraph essay with a theme statement and claims and blah blah blah. I read books and poetry because I want to love them and study them and appreciate them. They make my life better and I hate how the educational system destroys them for me. Thus ends my rant...